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Living with AnxietyI never imagined that anxiety would have such an impact on my life. My brain would just be racing at night.I just had a lot of really unrealistic expectations of myself. My quote was, I want to be all things to all people whenever they need it.So in 2016, I had my first panic attack. We had gone over to some friend's house, and then all of a sudden I noticed that it was like I wasn't in the room with them and I just felt my body start to tremble uncontrollably and had no idea what was going on.I just thought that something was wrong with my heart.It was just beating out of control.I really thought that I was dying and I went into the emergency room and the doctor came back and said your heart's perfectly fine, you're actually having a panic attack.It was incredibly scary, and I just instantly started crying.Fast forward to last spring. My anxiety flared up. I would come home from a day of teaching and be completely exhausted. The irritability. And unfortunately, that came out toward my family. I started really avoiding certain places, certain people, large crowds, losing interest in activities.So, for instance, even gardening, being outside, having the energy to be playful with my family and multiple panic attacks actually happened this past fall at the beginning of the school year.Anxiety had such a grip on me that I was physically ill, unable to go to work, and that was really a turning point.I couldn't ignore it anymore. I ended up seeking support from a mental and behavioral health hospital.I was definitely nervous to seek treatment at the beginning. I wasn't sure how my family would feel about that.Healing comes when you surround yourself with people who know how to help you heal.My therapist has played a huge role in being free from anxiety.I needed people to give me language for what I was experiencing. I didn't have that.I think it's vital to listen to your emotions. If we don't process them, they don't go away.There are specific stories that have happened in years past. One of those was a lockdown situation that I was involved in.Another was I had a really scary pregnancy with our twins where for about six months we weren't sure if they were going to make it or not.So there were a lot of instances there that I just never had the time or took the time to really work through.Today I am managing anxieties through mindfulness.I made a career shift, but it's also just continuing therapy, going for walks, being outside, being in the garden and pursuing relationships.Gardening has been a huge, just healing place for me throughout this journey.These will eventually be filled with cucumbers and summer squash, and they absolutely taste better than store bought.There's just something really special about planting something. Digging in the dirt. All I hear are birds chirping and the wind blowing. And one of my favorite places to be.I feel so much more present with my husband, with my kids. There's definitely a lot more laughter in our home.As my kids grow, I'm already talking with them about how important it is for them to listen to their bodies, that they're worth it.When I'm experiencing anxiety now, I don't get so worked up with it because I know it's just trying to communicate something to me. I have these tools, I have these resources. I have people around me in place to support me. And so I'm really hopeful for the future.This program is for informational purposes only. Publisher disclaims all guarantees regarding the accuracy, completeness, or suitability of this video for medical decision making. For all health related issues please contact your healthcare provider.© The Wellness Network
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